


Supernaturally Divergent

by ncdover1285



Category: Divergent (Movies), Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Divergent Fusion, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Canon-Typical Violence, Cas has layers, Character deaths are on par with canon, Dean Winchester Has Feelings, F/M, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mary Winchester lives (for a while), Minor Character Death, Past Abuse, Uriel is a dick, language but not too bad, reality altering drugs, slight mind control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:22:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23950765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncdover1285/pseuds/ncdover1285
Summary: Dean and his brother, Sam, were left on the Singer’s doorstep when they were babies. Their parents were factionless, so Dean doesn’t know where he should be choosing when it’s time for them to choose on their eighteenth birthday. Cas is a trainer with a past that he doesn’t want to be known. Will they be able to make it out the other side or will they open up only to be ripped apart? Find out in this fusion of Supernatural and Divergent.
Relationships: Andrea Kormos/Benny Lafitte, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer, John Winchester/Mary Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11
Collections: SPN Media Big Bang 2020





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Supernatural Media Big Bang 2020.   
> I would love to thank the amazing Supernatastic for the freaking awesome artwork for this fic!   
> I would like to thank CrowleyLovesUSUK for the betawork along with my dearest friend Bobbie for spending hours going through it to make sure it made sense.   
> I also want to thank the Mods of this bang for being such amazing people and for their help and constant encouragement. You are AMAZING!

Part One: The Beginning

Over a hundred years ago, there was a great war. The war between supernatural beings and humans was long and it tore the world as we knew it to pieces. There weren’t many humans left, but those that were banded together and created the city. It has high walls that keep us safe from those supernaturals that are still out there. Living in the city is what we are used to.

The only ones that go outside the walls are Amity, they grow our food in the fields surrounding the city, and the Dauntless, they protect the wall and those that have to be outside of it. My name is Dean. My brother Sam and I live with our adoptive parents Bobby and Ellen in Abnegation. We don’t remember our birth parents. Bobby told us that they were factionless and left us with people who they hoped would take us in and raise us as their own. Usually children who grow up in one faction or the other end up staying in that faction as an adult.

Sam and I, since we don’t know what faction our parents should have been in, aren’t so sure what the tests will say tomorrow. The way the factions are set up, when you are eighteen, you choose the faction that you will be as a full fledged member of society. There is no going back. Once you choose you either succeed or you become factionless. The factionless are considered the scrugs of society and have no home and no family. You don’t want to be factionless.

The factions were set up after the war so people know their role in society. Amity are friendly and always smiling, they grow the food that everyone eats. Erudite are smart, they are the teachers and scientists. Candor are truthful and are the judges and lawyers. Dauntless are brave and they are the protectors. Abnegation are selfless and they are the government. Bobby and Ellen are in Abnegation. That is why our parents left us with them as infants. They said that Sam and I were just babies when we were left, so they assume us to be twins. We look enough alike that we are definitely siblings, but there are a lot of differences too. There are enough personality differences that I am terrified that we will be split up after the ceremony.

I’ve lived by one rule for as long as I can remember. Take care of Sammy, that’s been my life. Abnegation teaches selflessness, and the one person I have never had a problem putting above myself is Sam. Other than that, I don’t really feel like I belong in Abnegation. To be honest, I’m not sure that Sam does either. Sam is so smart, like smarter than anyone I have ever met. He could easily fit in with Erudite, although that is one faction I would really rather him not be associated with. The leader of the Erudite, Lucifer, has done nothing but cause my family grief.

Sam doesn’t seem to see that though. He was actually defending him at a discussion between our parents and another member of the committee. Sam is also headstrong. If he believes something to be the truth he will fight like no other to get his point across. Because of this, I think he would also fit in well with Candor. I used to joke and tell him that he would be a lawyer one day. Now, I don’t even want to joke about it. There is a very good chance that I won’t be with my brother after the choosing ceremony. Bobby and Ellen’s daughter Joanna turned eighteen last year and at her choosing ceremony she defected and chose Dauntless. That just adds one more worry to the pile going into the ceremony the day after tomorrow.

If Sam and I both leave, that will leave Bobby and Ellen alone. I don’t want them to think that they have done something wrong in the way that they raised their children. They have been the best parents that anyone could ask for, I just don’t know if I can be as selfless as I would have to be to remain in Abnegation. I guess I have to wait and let the test tell me where I belong. I keep being told to trust the test, guess it’s time I do that. The only problem is that Sam seems as down as I feel right now, and doesn’t want to go to bed either. It’s like he wants to spend that extra few minutes with the family.

Morning inevitably comes, even after a rough night with little sleep. Sam and I eat breakfast with Bobby and Ellen. They are encouraging, telling us that we shouldn’t be afraid of these tests. I don’t know why, they determine the rest of our lives. They have faith though, and that makes it easier for me to put our fate in the hands of the tests. Everyone seems well fit to the lives that the tests have chosen for them, so why can’t it be the same for Sam and I, even if we won’t be in the same faction. We can still see each other. I mean, it’s a city, we are bound to cross paths.

After breakfast, I want some alone time before testing. I climb up to the roof of our modest house to think. I still have a little while before we have to go to the testing center. I told Ellen that I wasn’t scared, but I am, I’m terrified. I’m afraid that the test will say that I’m not Abnegation and that I’ll have to leave the only family that I have ever known.

More than that though, I’m afraid that the test will say that I should stay. Abnegation has never seemed to be the faction that I am meant to be in. I don’t want to feel trapped the rest of my life. It must be time to go. Sam is calling for me. I climb down and we walk to the testing center.


	2. Testing

Part Two: Testing

When we get to the testing center we enter the line for Abnegation. Everyone in our line is dressed in the colors associated with our faction. Abnegation is plain, we dress in grey, varying shades of grey. Lined up on either side of us are Erudite and Candor. Erudite dresses in blue, darks and lights. Candor is all about things being true or not, so they see the world in black and white. They dress the same way that they see the world, in blacks and whites. Beside Candor on the other side is Amity. They have the care free flowing clothing in oranges and yellows and browns. They match the colors of the earth around them. There is a gap beside Erudite. This is where Dauntless will fill in when they arrive. While the rest of us all file in as we come up to the area, they arrive as one unit.

Hearing the train approaching is a telltale sign that Dauntless is on their way. The train doesn’t stop, but they fly off of it and come running up just as the doors open to the testing center. I would hate to be born in Dauntless and it not be your faction. From where I stand, it seems like a good choice. I have always wanted to be a defender. I want to fight the supernaturals that still try to enter from time to time. Then I look over at Sam. He would never understand the urge that I have to go and fight. He thinks that the Dauntless are all just a bunch of meat heads that are loud and rude. He’s really not wrong, but they’re brave too.

Going into testing they line you up in alphabetical order. So Sam is, of course, standing beside me as we enter the doors that will determine the rest of our lives. Inside is Joanna, Bobby and Ellen’s daughter. She can’t show favoritism and I wonder how she was even able to conduct my testing. She says hello and leads me to a chair in the center of the room. The room itself is made up of mirrored walls. That is not something that I am used to, considering that we aren’t allowed mirrors in Abnegation. I look away, because I have been accused of looking in reflective surfaces too long and don’t want to bring trouble to Bobby or Ellen.

Once I am in the chair, she hands me a strange, almost glowing blue liquid. When I ask what it is she just tells me to turn it up. She smiles a small smile as I do what she says. I close my eyes because it definitely is not a pleasant taste, but evidently it is necessary for the testing. Upon opening my eyes again, she is gone. The chair is also gone. The only thing left in the room is me. Well, me and the mirrors that is. Perhaps I am vain. I believe that is what this is. I try not to look in the mirrors, but they are all around me. I find myself, not a reflection, because I am facing away from myself. When the other me turns around the only word he says is choose.

Looking around myself I see weapons and raw meat. I look back to ask what it is for and he is gone. Then I hear it. There is growling so loud that it must be right behind me. I go to grab something, still not sure which it would have been, but the meat and the weapons are gone. Then the giant dog is chasing me. I run for only a moment then turn and face the dog. I drop down to my knees and the dog stops. There in front of me is a puppy, not the snarling, growling beast from seconds before. I reached to pet it, Sam has always had a soft spot for dogs that just maybe rubbed off a little on me, and then there was a shout.

There just a few feet away is a little girl. I look from her back to what had startled her and see that the dog is huge and is growling again. It takes off after the girl and I go running, tackling it to the ground. We sink through the floor and the next thing I know is Joanna pulling me from the chair. She’s talking about getting me out the back door before anyone comes looking, and to tell everyone that the elixir made me sick. She says that she put my result down as Abnegation, but to tell no one about what happened during my test. I asked her several times what my results actually showed. She said that it showed Abnegation, and Dauntless, and Erudite. She said that it was very rare to have more than one outcome on these tests, but not unheard of. It meant that I was divergent.

It’s more than frowned upon to be divergent. It would mean that I don’t fit in any one faction. The factionless have always been mostly made up of divergents and those that chose differently than the tests had indicated and were not able to complete the training in the new faction of their choosing. This is a cautionary tale that is told to children growing up, that way they know they should trust the test. So where does that leave me? I can’t trust the test. The test let me down. Now I guess I have to choose where I will be able to make it. I have to choose what abilities that I want to be my primary ones. This isn’t supposed to be this hard. I can’t even talk to Sam about it because if he is found helping a divergent then it makes his world that much harder, and I don’t want to cause him to be factionless because he was tossed out.

The choosing ceremony is tomorrow. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I have a feeling that Sam is going somewhere besides Abnegation. I definitely don’t want to be here if he is not. I love Bobby and Ellen as if they were blood, but I don’t think that I could remain in Abnegation without Sam. He’s the one that keeps me in line. He keeps me selfless. Without him I would probably be kicked out myself. I’d rather take a chance on a faction that suits me better, I just don’t know which one that is. I’ll spend what time I have left in Abnegation with Sam and Bobby and Ellen, and hope that something comes to me while I sleep. After dinner Sam says something kind of strange. He says that I need to think of the family tomorrow, but also about myself. I’m pretty sure he knows that I’m leaving Abnegation tomorrow and he’s telling me that it’s okay. Even with as gruff as Bobby can be he told us he loves us. I think he knows.


	3. Choosing

Part Three: Choosing 

We all get up and head down to the town center for the choosing ceremony. Sam has been really quiet today. I can’t tell if he’s nervous or worried. That in itself worries me, because I have always been able to read Sam like a book. He is closed off today. I’m worried that he thinks I will disagree with his choice, and that to me says he is going to choose Erudite. I can’t judge him though. Even if him choosing Erudite would mean that he will be closer to Lucifer, it would be a good fit for him. He’s so smart. I really don’t see him going somewhere else. Nothing came to me during the night, so I guess when I get up there and have to choose, I will wing it. That is kind of the way I see my life, just winging it and seeing what happens. I mean if I end up factionless, maybe I can find my parents. What if they are why I am divergent? If they were divergent and didn’t make it in their chosen factions that would explain why they were factionless. Not knowing who they are makes that seem like a pipe dream though, who knows? 

Going down to the choosing ceremony is a family affair. We go in and each faction is sitting with its own members. Our society is divided by what faction we belong to. Each faction also has a bowl setting on the stage that will provide us a way to choose. After we have made our choice we will go to the faction that will be our home from now on. We climbed the stairs to our seats and the ceremony began. There are a few that chose the same faction that they are born into, then one that defects. The parents are crying, they won’t see their child as much anymore. The motto is faction before blood after all. 

Then Sam’s name is called. He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. I try to express understanding. I know he will not be Abnegation any longer. I hope he knows that I respect the choice that he is making. I wonder yet again if maybe he had the same problems with his testing that I did. I can’t ask though. He chooses Erudite. I knew that it was coming, but Lucifer’s grin is still enough to make me worry. He looks as if he wants to welcome Sam into his arms, but settles for a handshake. I really don’t like him. Bobby and Ellen are holding hands and they look so sad. Ellen tells me that she loves me. My family is not one to say those words. We aren’t overly expressive, but if they are going to be said now is the time, I guess. 

It’s my turn now. I walk up with just a bit more hesitation than Sam did. I still don’t know what I’m going to choose. As I slice my hand and let the blood pool, I go back and forth between Erudite to protect Sam, and Dauntless to protect the city. I look up and see that Sam has settled with a group of transfers and my heart swells. He will be okay. I choose Dauntless. Looking up at Bobby and Ellen as I make my way over to the faction that is now my own, I see that Ellen is in Bobby’s arms and he himself looks lost. I feel sorry that we have left them alone, but I don’t believe that Sam or myself would have made it in Abnegation. 

They’re still sitting there as we leave the hall. I can’t think too much on that now. I have to make it in my new faction. I have to focus all of myself on making it in. I don’t want to be factionless. When we leave the town center, the other Dauntless initiates start running down the street. It does seem that they, we, run everywhere. We reach the poles where the train runs over head and they all start climbing. The only time I have ever been on a train was to load the food for the factionless that is taken deeper into the city. I haven’t been on one that was moving. The train doesn’t stop though. It just flies by, and they are jumping on. I have to run to catch up, and even then I only catch the last car before it passes a section of platform that is so deteriorated that I would have fallen through. 

Once I make it on the train, I meet a guy named Benny. He’s from Candor. It’s nice to talk to someone who seems to think this is just as crazy as me. Being from Candor though, he speaks his mind about it. I look out of the door to see where we are headed and notice that others are now jumping back out of the train onto the roof of a tall building. When I tell Benny that they are jumping, he says that they must be trying to kill us. We somehow get ourselves together enough to jump off the train and onto the roof along with the other initiates. 

Once on the roof there is a gruff guy who introduces himself as Uriel. He’s a bit of a dick, and informs us that now we must jump again. This time it’s into a hole in a roof that is below the one that we are standing on. He says it’s the only way in and if we don’t jump then we aren’t brave enough to be Dauntless. Benny now looks terrified. I have to do this, I at least have to prove to myself that I am brave enough to be here, and that I did do the right thing in leaving my brother to Lucifer. It can’t have been for nothing, so when he calls for the first jumper I volunteer. 

Of course there are those who want to give me a hard time. Being from Abnegation always brings people to look down on you, especially since I am no longer Abnegation. “Stiff” is a term that I’ve heard more of then I prefer, but I climbed up and just jumped. When I reach the bottom there is a net that catches me. I have only a couple of seconds to catch my breath and slow my heart rate before the net is moving. I rolled to the side and jumped down and was immediately met with the bluest eyes that I have ever seen. I know there is talking but I didn’t hear it. I come back to him saying, “It shouldn’t be that hard but if you want to change it now’s the time. Make it a good one.” I realize that he asked my name. I tell him that it’s Dean and he laughs a little saying that his name is Cas. When the others have all jumped and we are at the bottom the Dauntless born go with Uriel and the transfers go with Cas. As we followed him down the halls I noticed a tattoo peeking above his collar. I wonder what that could be.


	4. Initiate

Part four: Initiate

I never saw myself as soft until now. After changing in what has to be the weirdest mix of a dorm room and a locker room ever, we had to burn our clothes from our previous factions. It was a way to prove that we are our new faction and have no reminders of our old ones. We ate in a huge cafeteria style room. Cas was there. 

I tried talking to him, but he made me feel about the size of an ant. He acts like I have done something to personally offend him. When I asked him a question he replied, “What makes you think that you can talk to me?” I couldn’t help myself, and my sarcasm came through, “Must be because you are so approachable.” He didn’t comment back, so I don’t think he hates me as bad as he acts like he does. I mean, he snapped on Benny when he made a jab at his name after everyone jumped into the hole in the roof. I’m not sure what the problem is, but I intend to find out. There are so many rumors about him going around, maybe he just likes to keep his privacy.

I noticed that there aren’t any old people here, maybe after you get so old they throw you out, I know there’s no way a fifty or sixty year old could jump from trains and fight the way these people do. The leaders seem to be only in their forties. The main guy, Gordon, is very gruff but seems to want to see us succeed. Uriel is his second. He only seems to want to see us fail and Dauntless born to succeed. It turns out they have a new rule. If you don’t end up high enough on the leaderboard after training, they can cut you. So I may still end up factionless.

There are two stages of training. The first is physical. That’s where we are right now, but the second stage is mental. They say that it is even harder than this stage. Physical training is a never ending thing. We have to get our bodies and minds into shape. We run, lift weights, and we fight. I’m pretty sure Uriel hates me. We run when we aren’t fighting or shooting. The running I can handle, it’s my aim that is horrible. Some of the other guys here give me a hard time, saying that I will be joining the factionless soon and that they will be my new family. 

I keep to myself that they may, in fact, be my old family as well. The way things are going I’m having a hard time keeping away from the bottom of the leaderboard. The first time I fought someone, he was twice my size. Uriel set up new rules yet again, saying that no one taps out. We fight until someone can’t continue. I bet you can guess who couldn’t continue. I fought, but he fought dirtier. This landed me at the bottom of the board, not last, but close enough. After a rough day, Benny suggested tattoos. That is something that no other faction does, so I agreed.

When we got down to the part of Dauntless that does tattoos I saw Joanna, or Jo as she goes by now. She was doing tattoos, so I went over to her station and picked some birds. It would show that I was flying away from my past and toward my future. She didn’t want to talk to me, but seeing that I was a customer she couldn’t just send me away. When I tried to ask her about my testing, she told me she just does tattoos, like she didn’t even know me. While she was doing my tattoo I was finally able to get her to open up about it a little. 

Someone that she knew had received similar results on their test. When it came to the second stage of training her friend soared. Like, they went straight to the top of the leaderboard. Then, the next morning they were found at the bottom of the chasm. She said that they would find me. She wouldn’t elaborate on who they were, but she seemed worried because I had ended up in Dauntless. I firmly reminded her that I chose Dauntless and that I was Dauntless. I would be Dauntless.

I would have to step up my training though if I was going to stay Dauntless. I got up early everyday and trained on the bags, I did extra training with the weapons. I think that Cas noticed, because he actually came up and started showing me what I could do to improve my fighting ability. He gives some really mixed up signals. He treats me like he hates me, then tries to help me. It’s almost like he wants to help me, but is trying to only do what is expected of him. I think he sees that I am trying though, otherwise he wouldn’t be trying to help me at all. It’s like he was trained to be a robot, with no feelings. Like he’s only made to respond to stimuli a certain way and when he responds differently he goes back to factory settings and comes at me like a complete dick. I won’t lie, I find him intriguing. 

We all take a train out to the edge of the city. It actually stops this time. We are lined up along the wall and there is talk about what is outside. Cas tells us that Dauntless has one main goal, and that is to protect the people inside the wall from the supernatural beings that are still outside. I am not sure why he chose now to go over the stories, but I still listen with rapt attention, like I do anytime someone tells of the creatures from the outside world. I may have been raised in Abnegation, but it never stopped my curiosity. Every time someone would mention the outside I would always listen. I found myself intrigued with the monsters that were out there and the people who fought them. That is probably the main reason that I chose Dauntless. I wanted to live those stories when I was a child and this was my way of doing just that.

He says there is a reason that we train the way we do. I look over to Benny who had a very rough day today. Uriel hung him off the side of a bridge that ran over the pit. This was done because Benny couldn’t keep fighting in a training session. The guy he was fighting was huge and Benny was down on the ground. He tried to stop the fight and Uriel just calmly came and helped Benny up and said we were taking a break. We took a walk and ended up by the pit. That was when he threw him over. He said that Benny had three choices. Grab onto the rail and hang on, let go and die or give up and be kicked out of Dauntless. He managed to hold on until Uriel called time, but it was a close thing. 

Cas says that we are trained to never give up, because if we give up it will cost more than just our lives. We are the defenders, and while they want us to be brave they don’t want us to be stupid. Uriel looks at me saying that they train soldiers not rebels. Cas gets a strange look on his face when this is said. I wonder what that’s about. 

Cas tells stories of having to behead vampires that still roam the areas outside of the wall. He tells stories about having to kill monsters that look so human that it makes him have nightmares. He looks at me as he’s talking about these, and I think that he is afraid that I won’t be able to do this because of my Admegation background. I will be able to, because no matter where I came from, I am Dauntless now. I have to be. 

After the stories were told, and all the cautionary tales as well, we boarded the train and headed back into the city. I was thinking about what was out there and what we would have to do to protect the people in the city, so I was quiet on the way back. Once we returned to Dauntless, we immediately went back to our training. It was like they believed that we needed to know what we were up against so that we would train harder. I was already training as hard as I could, now the only difference is that I have a new worry for the people that I would be charged to protect. What if I failed? It wouldn’t only be my life on the line, but the life of all the people inside the wall as well. I’ll just have to think of the fact that Sammy is inside the walls. I’m still protecting him and to continue protecting him, I have to be able to get my name above that ugly red line. That shouldn’t be too impossible, right?


	5. Mary Winchester

Part 4.2: Mary Winchester

I watch as a group of Dauntless gather just up the road from us. John gets so mad when they gather and just watch, but I can’t help but to look for my babies. I guess it’s a mom thing. I’ve seen them, when the Abnegation would bring food, but they never saw me. We left them with Bobby and Ellen because we knew that they would look after them. That they could give them a life that we would never be able to as long as we are living as we do. 

Factionless isn’t just a name given to those that can’t make it in their faction. It’s a name given to criminals that have been cast out of their faction for one reason or another. I was pregnant when John went out hunting. When he came back, the counsel was at our door within the hour. They said that he had left the city and that was unacceptable. He was given an hour to settle affairs and turn himself in. I panicked. 

I didn’t want him to be taken from us. I didn’t want him to be taken from me. I wanted everything to stay the same, but that wasn’t what was going to happen. I convinced him that we could leave, we could run and join the factionless. What he did wasn’t that bad, but there are strict rules in the city. He wasn’t a member of Dauntless, so he should never have been out there chasing monsters. Just because he was born into that faction didn’t mean that once he was of age that he could continue leaving the fence. He hadn’t been supposed to in his youth, but boys will be boys. 

Either way, we left. I gave birth to my boys in an abandoned building just outside of town. A lady from Abnegation snuck out and helped to deliver them. I didn’t know what to do. I was able to keep them for a few months, but as it started getting colder I knew that they would die out here. So I did the only thing I could do. I gave them up in hopes that they would have a better life. The lady that had delivered them told me that there was a family that would take them in. I knew the name, because John and Bobby had, at one time, been close friends. I don’t know what happened to end their friendship, but John had always said Bobby was a great man. I hoped that he was right. 

I watch as more Dauntless gather around to just stand and watch us. I’m back by the building, so they can’t see me. Then someone comes up. I haven’t seen my boys in about a year, that was the last time they were at the drop off site, but I know Dean. He looks too much like me to not realize it’s him. He comes up behind some others that are yelling some rather hateful things, but doesn’t join in. I wonder what they have told them about us. It seems that Dean isn’t Abnegation any longer. I didn’t realize that much time had passed that they would have already had their choosing ceremony. I wonder where Sam ended up.


	6. Trust

Part Five: Trust

Training isn’t just about fighting. There is also weapons training. It took a while, but I got better with a gun. Knives, I am awesome at! I can hit the target every throw, usually bunched together in the center. Benny tells me that it’s scary how good I am at this, but all I can do in return is laugh. He’s really not wrong. It scares me a little too, how dangerous I could be, but it’s also a good thing. I have to move up the board.

One of the other initiates, Garth, is having a really hard time at knives. Uriel tells him that he has to go get the knives that he just threw. They are laying on the ground by the targets that everyone is still throwing at. When he hesitates, Uriel tries to make a point. That if he is afraid to pick them up that he isn’t brave enough to be Dauntless. Garth makes the point that Uriel himself said there is a difference between brave and stupid. This doesn’t go over well with Uriel. He makes Garth stand in front of the target and tells Cas to throw the knives. If Garth flinches he’s automatically thrown out of Dauntless. I can’t stand by and let someone be bullied by Uriel, especially not someone that I consider a friend. Just before Cas throws the first knife I speak up.

“Stop! Anyone can stand in front of a target and it doesn’t prove anything.” This is how I find myself standing in front of the target with Cas’s icy stare trying to bore holes in my head. Garth covered the entire target and I’m not sure that he has the same faith in Cas that I do. It’s not hard for me to stand here and let him throw the knives. He hits me on the last throw though and when I confront him about it, he says that Uriel wouldn’t have let him stop without drawing blood. He’s probably right, and he barely nicked my ear anyway.

When I get back to the dorm area, everyone greets me with a pat on the back, or a good job. Everyone that is except Caleb, he comes up telling me about a story that has been released about my family. It talks about how there are problems in Abnegation, emphasized by both my brother and myself defecting. It went on talking about how there must be something going on there for all the children to be leaving their family and faction to go to another faction, even if their tests come up as Abnegation. That’s crazy, but it is one of the main reasons that I didn’t want to leave. That puts pressure on Bobby and Ellen that they really don’t need or deserve. They were wonderful parents, even to us, who weren’t theirs by blood. That’s just the kind of people they are. Bobby always told me that family doesn’t end with blood. This was always said when I was feeling down and like I didn’t really belong. 

Walking down the hall, I see Lucifer with several of his goons. There are rumors that he is leading a search on divergents. I again think about Sammy and if his results were similar to mine. I honestly hope not. With him in the middle of everything going on with Erudite and their hunt for divergents, if his test was inconclusive then Lucifer would have every reason to go after him. He calls me over and talks to me. Saying how proud he is that I know my own mind, even with my test results showing Abnegation. He doesn’t bring up Sam and neither do I. I don’t want to bring extra attention to Sammy, I guess I’m still trying to protect him from afar. This time however, I seem to have his attention. He looks me up and down and says that Dauntless suits me. I’m not really sure what that means. This whole interaction really makes me miss Sam though, I haven’t seen him since the choosing ceremony. 

I can’t really dwell on it for long, we have to get back to our training. We are all in the pit area fighting. I get called up again. This time it’s against Caleb. He’s a little closer to my size, but I haven’t really got the fighting part of our training down yet. Cas gives me a few more pointers before I go up, but it doesn’t help much. I attack first and try to watch his feet, but I still go down hard. I look up in time to watch Cas walk away, right before my head gets kicked and it all goes black.

I wake up in the infirmary that has been set up for initiates. Benny and Garth are there and they look sad. They have on some military type vests and that means that I’m about to miss training if I stay here. When I ask about it, they say that Uriel cut me. I’m out. I can’t be out. I will be Dauntless. They leave so that they won’t miss the train. I get changed and run after. I made it. Cas watched me run along the platform for a few seconds, but eventually helped me up onto the train. For a second I didn’t think Uriel was going to let me back in that easy. I guess he liked my determination. 

This guy is crazy! Cas looked like he was intrigued by me as well. That’s good to know. We are evidently going to be playing some crazy capture the flag war game. The bullets are mini sims that feel like you are really being shot by a bullet. At least there is some good news. Cas chose me for his team. Uriel thinks he’s trying to gain sympathy for when we lose, but I think he wanted me on his team for some other reason. 

Maybe he knows that I’m not a complete loser. Then again, he may think I’m horrible and really just want the sympathy like Uriel says. I really don’t know what the guy is thinking at this point, but I find myself being more and more interested in him the more time that I spend with him. He is mysterious and that is part of it, but he seems like he puts on an act. I don’t think that he’s the badass that he wants everyone to believe. Okay, so he really is a badass, maybe hard ass is the word I was looking for. For some reason, I really feel like he isn’t that bad. Maybe it’s just me, who knows?


	7. Capture The Flag

Part Six: Capture the Flag

We get off the train at this old amusement park. It’s pretty cool, but that is something that I find awesome anyway. I like that the old buildings, in the parts of town that only Dauntless get to see, are still the way they were before the war. It’s like opening a time capsule, of course they have a lot of damage from the fighting, and wear and tear, but they are still amazing. There’s old booths, and a ferris wheel. It’s just that you get to see the adventure and the experiences that we don’t get to have anymore. Uriel’s team disappears the minute that we left the train.

They had to have run to set up a base. Everyone is standing around arguing over what we are going to do and who will be the one to decide. I figure that while they are fussing over stuff that should be easy to figure out, I’m just going to go and see if I can see what’s going on. I begin climbing the ferris wheel and Cas comes up behind me. He asks what I’m doing and when I tell him that I’m trying to get a better vantage point, he agrees and begins to climb up after me. I tell him that he doesn’t have to come with me and he says that I should go easy. That I took a beating and need to be careful.

This runs right through me. It thoroughly pisses me off. I snapped back at him that I didn’t think that he even noticed because I saw him leave during the fight. I leave out that him leaving is the last thing that I remember before waking up in the infirmary. He surprises me by saying that it wasn’t something that he wanted to watch.

We climb in silence then, only the sound of our breaths and our hands and feet finding the rungs as we go. Then one of the rungs breaks, years of rust has probably made this thing a death trap. He grabs my legs as I start to fall. Once I get my balance, he asks if I’m okay. No, I’m definitely not okay. It’s not the fall that has me shaken though, it’s how he ran his hand up my leg to my waist to steady me. I stutter out that I’m fine and continue climbing.

It’s now been brought to my attention that he is right behind me and that makes me nervous. He says that we are high enough, but I disagree. We need to be higher, I can’t see the other team’s base from here. I start to climb again, but he stays where he is until I stop to see what he’s doing. I ask if he’s alright, but he just looks around and then down at the ground. He looks anywhere he can that keeps him from looking at me. I ask if he’s afraid of heights, well, more like tell him. He informs me that everyone is afraid of something. I honestly didn’t think that he was afraid of anything, and I told him this in return. When I turned around and started climbing again, he huffed out a laugh and followed me once again.

He tried a few times to get me to stop, and yes I am human, he did ask. I just wanted to be able to get a good vantage point. When I do stop, he climbs up even with me. I tell him that it isn’t too bad, he agrees, but I don’t believe him. It’s an amazing view. I can see all the way across the park. I enjoy a few seconds with only me and Cas in a little bubble on top of the world. I have to be careful, I could see myself falling for him, and that would be dangerous. I spot Uriel’s team flag and point it out to Cas.

We climb down and join the others. Once we let them know where the other team is they look to us on where to go next. Cas even asks me what the plan is. I slip into the leader roll, one that isn’t that hard for me to take on even though it isn’t really something that I’ve had to deal with. It almost comes naturally, especially with him by my side. I tell them that we need to split up into two groups. I’ll take a group up the side while the other group engages Uriel. We get inside and they yell out that they can see us. We run, Cas leads one group straight into the fire fight. My group goes along the side up to the watchtower that I saw their flag in.

There, I ran into the very first person that I had to fight in our training session. He kicked my butt that first day, but I am able to take him down this time. I guess it helps when I have a tangible goal that I can see. It probably doesn’t hurt for me to know that if I don’t succeed I’m gone. There’s no way around that. I can see Cas and Uriel talking to each other down below. He just ran right in and gave us cover. He might be one of the craziest people that I have met, not in a bad way. He’s very protective, I can see that easily. He’s smart though too. It’s like he only allows certain people to see certain things about him. It’s really not a bad idea. I grab the flag once the guy is down and go out onto the platform in the building.

Benny comes out after taking out his own guy and we raise the flag together. I guess Uriel will have to accept defeat. I know that he doesn’t like me, but he’s going to have to deal with me, at least for a little bit longer. We laugh as we keep waving that ugly orange flag, then we head down to join the others of our group that are gathering around the base of the building. As we are walking back to the train, Cas pulls away to talk to some of the other members of Dauntless while I’m taken aside and asked to go back another way. I’m told that it’s an initiation of sorts and when I look over at Cas, he looks back and acts like I didn’t just catch him staring at me. There wasn’t any worry in his eyes though, so it must not be anything too bad.

So, I follow the other initiates and some of the Dauntless born a different direction. We go up into one of the old buildings, there’s holes all in the exterior and it definitely wouldn’t be inhabitable, but it has stairs that lead up to the top. There’s a zip line attached, and there are around thirty people that are standing around. I look over the edge, out at the city around. I can barely even see the city that we live in, I’m surrounded by the old city, the one that was abandoned after the war. This is the part of the city that only Dauntless and factionless get the chance to experience. “Come on it’s a short cut back.” One of the Dauntless born draws my attention back to what’s going on.


	8. Mary Winchester 2

Part Seven: Mary Winchester POV  
I’m in a building in the old city when I hear a scream. Someone goes flying by over my head on a zipline that Dauntless set up. I had once been Dauntless, and had heard stories about the zipline, but I never did get to experience it. When I attended my choosing ceremony, I was already in love with an amazing young man who was also from Dauntless. I followed him and left my home and my family. 

John was so brave that I just knew that he would be staying with Dauntless. I hadn’t prepared myself for having to choose between him and my home. When the time came, it was not a difficult choice to make, but looking back now, I wonder what would have been different. John had chosen Amity, and while it did suit him in a way, it wasn’t a perfect match. I was lucky that I also fit in, to an extent. 

Everything was fine until a friend of John’s was killed out in the fields. The Dauntless that was assigned to our area was assisting someone else and we were left vulnerable. After that, John hated Dauntless, and he hated the things outside of the wall even more. He would go hunting whenever he was able, which is how we ended up here. I just never could blame the Dauntless guard. It wasn’t his fault, but things happen and I just try to avoid John when he goes on one of his binges, then he just disappears for days and when he comes back, he is fine. 

I pull myself from my musings in time to see a speeding person careening down the line. I watch as he puts his hand out, almost skimming the building. It was my son, Dean is definitely in his element at Dauntless. I believe that we both should have stayed in that particular faction myself. The boys have both grown up so brave. They would have loved growing up Dauntless. 

I heard yesterday that Sam was in Erudite now, I don’t like the leader there, but Sam must have turned out to be super smart. I hope that he will fit in well with them. Lucifer can be relentless if he doesn’t like you. As much as I would love to see my son, I don’t want him to be thrown on the streets to live the life that I tried so hard to keep him from. 

The good thing about being out here, is that there is a chance for me to see Dean. Even if it is rare and he never sees me, I like the fact that I can keep an eye on him. I need to talk to John about this. Whenever I bring up Dauntless, he always shuts me down, but maybe he will change his mind if one of his boys is now in the same position. I would like to think that he would want to keep him safe. The best way that I have found to do that is to keep an eye on them and help from the edges. It may be different with my own child, but I would like to think it’s the same concept, and so it will work. 

I gather the papers and pieces of cardboard that I found and head back to the building that we are calling home. We have to keep moving because we aren’t allowed to close to the city, but there is an area where the Abnegation brings food. We try to stay close to that. The problem is there is no heat. That’s where the papers and cardboard come in. We are almost out of places to look in the outskirts, soon we will have to go outside of the walls for these things.


	9. The Red Line

Part Eight: The Red Line

When Dauntless does exciting, there is no over the top or too much. There is a zip line that goes in between the old buildings, but that isn’t all. It goes inside some of them. I have to make myself small to even fit in some of the spaces, and wonder how some of the larger guys fit. It’s exhilarating, and I get so caught up that I almost forgot the most important part, but I remember just in time and I make it down the zip line eventually finding my brakes. 

Danger isn’t something that they, we, think about too much. I guess if I think about it, we are kind of dumb with some of the stunts that we pull, but it makes me feel alive. Alive is something that I haven’t felt in a long time, if ever, living in Abnegation. 

I get back into the area where we all seem to congregate, Cas comes up to me. He says that he just wanted to congratulate me, but I think that he wanted to check on me. He’s afraid of heights, but he knows that I just went on the zip line. I’m surprised that he actually tells me that I did a good job, he seems to like to keep his praise private and only berate me in public, but this time he comes right up to me. He’s still awkward about it as he tells me that I should go meet my friends, but he seems sincere. Maybe things are changing.

We gather around to find out our final scores for round one of training. Gordon is explaining that if we are ranked above the red line we go on to the second stage of training. If we are ranked below the red line, they don’t want to waste anymore time on us and we will be thrown out. We become factionless based on one little red line. I’m sitting with my friends as they start lighting up the names. Some people start shouting, but I’m almost afraid to look. I somehow manage it, and my name is above the line! I honestly was starting to think that I wasn’t going to make it. 

I look over at Cas, he winks at me and turns back to his friends. I’m kind of dumb founded, I just stare at him until Benny jostles my arm and gets me back to the present. I had never realized how beautiful he is. I need to get myself together. 

He’s so much older than me, but I can’t help but think there is some kind of bond growing between us. I’m not even sure that I would be ready to give him what I want, let alone what he may want. I need to keep my head in the game. I made it to round two. I’m not sure how this works, but if it’s worse than stage one I’m screwed. I barely made it past the first round of cuts. I hope I can do this. 

Those of us that passed are now working. We have to unload the train and load it into trucks. Benny thinks that this is a crappy celebration, but I understand that it is supposed to help keep us disciplined. There is a blonde woman behind a stack of crates. She catches my attention and waves me over. 

She is obviously one of the factionless, but she looks so familiar that I must know her. When I get behind the crate, she says my name and envelops me into a hug. The only people that I know that are factionless are my parents. I don’t know them, but I know of them. “Mom?” I ask carefully. The more that I look at her the more that I see the similarities between us. 

She tells me that I need to be careful. I’m not completely sure what she is talking about. I try to ask, but she just asks about my tests. It takes a few minutes for me to answer, I don’t trust easily and I really don’t know this woman, even if she is blood. She says that I can’t tell my friends or instructors. I ask her what I am, what’s wrong with me? She says that I just don’t conform and that makes them uncomfortable. They can’t control me, therefore, I scare them. She told me that I’m at the most risk during the second stage of training. That they will be getting inside my head. 

Before we can talk more about this, someone shouts behind me and she is gone. I can’t believe that I met my mother. She seems to know that I’m divergent. I wonder if that’s because she is as well. I need to be really careful. My parents have never come to me before about anything, so this must be really important. 

I think back to Lucifer being at Dauntless and decide that yes, I need to be really careful. I’m also going to have to find a way to get to Sam and make sure that he is okay. I haven’t talked to him since coming here. I really need to fix that situation. I will find a way soon to talk to him.


	10. Fear

Part Nine: Fear

Of course, when we get back to the compound they want to start our stage two training. Seeing my mom, and her warnings are making me nervous.While I wait my turn, I am terrified. My leg is bouncing and I keep looking around the room. The first person has been taken back and I am concerned at what will happen when I go in. 

I look around at the others that are sitting in the waiting room with me, and they look just as nervous as I am. That makes me feel a little bit better. I know that being a divergent is rare, so they can’t all be concerned with the same thing I am. I guess knowing that someone is going to be inside my head scares me, not only because I’m so worried that they will know that I am divergent, but also because I don’t like people to know what I’m thinking. I am not really what I appear on the outside, but people assume that I am and I let them. If they get a look in my head, that illusion will be worthless.

The door opens and the last jumper, the one that I fought the first time, comes out. She is shaking and leaning on the aids that are leading her from the room. That really calms my worries, not. Benny asks me what they did to her. As I turn to tell him that I have no idea, Cas comes to the door. Evidently, he is the one that is administering the tests. He looks around for a second and then calls my name. I look back at Benny, and I’m sure that he can read the fact that I’m scared. It’s written all over my face, but Benny is one that I have gotten closer to here. I think he suspects that I’m not who I personify myself to be, but he hasn’t said anything, at least not yet.

I walk through the door and Cas closes and locks it behind me. That would be something exciting, if it weren’t for the solitary chair that is looming in the center of the room. The only other things in here are a machine behind the chair and a workstation for Cas. No mirrors in here like the ones that were in our original aptitude testing rooms. It’s so sterile, and just plain, that it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know if that is because I was already nervous coming in or if it’s meant to be that way to make you on edge for the testing.

Cas tells me to take a seat, looking at me for the first time since he called my name in the waiting room. He then looks away and starts organizing his material to start the simulation. He also explains that the serum that he will inject me with will put me into a fear landscape. It focuses on the part of my brain that processes fear, it will cause a hallucination and the transmitters will allow him to see the images in my mind. This catches my attention, because it sounds an awful lot like what my mom had been saying. 

I ask just to be sure, that he just said he would be able to see inside my mind. His simple reply was uh huh, with a, why are you asking, look on his face. He walks over and runs a finger along my neck. This makes me shiver. I don’t know if he thinks it’s fear or not, but it definitely was a little of both, fear and anticipation. The fear this time isn’t because of the tests, it’s the fear of my own reactions and the thought of Cas being this close to me. I look into his eyes, then he breathes in and injects the serum.

The needle going in pinches and I flinch a little. Then he explains that I will be facing my worst fears. He says that most people have ten to fifteen really bad ones and that I need to calm myself. That I will need to slow my heart rate and my breathing and then deal with what’s in front of me. I sit there just breathing, I’m terrified. He tells me to be brave, but all I can do is nod. 

As I close my eyes and let the serum work, I hear those words repeated in his deep growly voice. Be brave. Be brave. Be Brave.

The next thing I know, I’m standing in a field outside the wall. I hear something in the bushes behind me and turn around to see what it is. A vampire runs at me, and just as it gets close enough that I think I might not get away, lightning strikes. The field that I’m standing in catches on fire. I grab a long branch that is lit with flames and swing it at the vampire. It recoils from the flame, even though I know it can’t kill it. It would injure the creature. 

I fall back to the ground beside a puddle, and I can hear the vampire making its way back to me. I remember that this isn’t real and lean into the puddle. I find myself in a box that is filling up with water. I look around, but not seeing a cut off valve or an exit, I look through the glass. On the other side there is Lucifer with his hand on Sammy’s shoulder. I try breaking the glass, but all I can manage is a tiny crack. I feel the glass where it cracks and begin to tap. The water is now over my head and I’m holding my breath, but Sammy is more important. 

The glass breaks and instead of the room that I was in, I’m back in the simulation room. Cas has a wild look in his eyes and asks me if I’m okay. I can’t answer because I’m trying to catch my breath. I feel as if I’ve been holding it, because in the simulation the water was surrounding me. I put my head between my knees and try to calm my breathing down. After a few seconds I stand up and walk around the room, letting your fears wash over you is something that throws you off, no matter how prepared you think you are. 

Cas asks me how long I thought I was in the hallucination. It seemed like a long time, but I know that when you’re upset time slows down, so it probably wasn’t as long as it seemed. I tell him twenty minutes, but he says I was only there for three minutes. He says that is four times faster than the average. My stomach drops, so that’s how they find out about divergents in this simulation. He says that he’s never seen anyone do that well the first time, and it drops a little lower. Crap. He asks how I escaped the vampire, and tells me that the image wasn’t clear. I decide lying about this won’t work because he was literally in my head. I tell him that I just went into the water.

He tells me that next time it will be a lot easier. I was taken aback, I thought once and it was over. I ask him if I have to do that again, and he says that, yes I have to practice several times before the final test. He says that I’m a natural and that I shouldn’t have any problem. That’s what is worrying me. I’m afraid that I’m too good and that will draw attention to me. The attention that brought my mom to me after a lifetime of staying away. That’s why she was afraid for me. 

When we got back to the dorm area, the first person that came out was still sitting there rocking back and forth, while we discussed what it was like under the simulation. Benny has a fear of insects apparently, and was explaining how he was completely covered by them, they were in his ears and his mouth, they were just everywhere. Garth starts talking about someone that was so panicked that he had a heart attack and almost died. Benny mentions that I didn’t seem to have a problem at all, even though I deny that and explain how awful it was they still don’t seem to believe me. Noone came close to my time, which they remind me of again. 

Caleb points out that what I’m actually doing is pushing Garth out of Dauntless. He explains that I was one of the worst during the first stage of training, but during this second stage, I’m the best. He explains that when cuts come around again, I won’t be at the bottom of the board again and that he will. When the others tell him to screw off and shut up, he says that he just wants to know how I do it. He wants to know my secret.   
Well, he can really screw off now, because I’m not telling anyone my secret. I tell him that I don’t have any tricks and he reminds me, once again, that no one makes it through the sim that fast. He says that if I’m not going to tell him then I should at least tell my friends. I wish that I could tell them, so that there was some way to help them have an edge over this system. When Garth asks what he’s talking about and if there is some way to make it easier, I just say no, and that I don’t know what he’s talking about.

We practice daily for the fear simulation. I have one that has me running up to my friends, only to be stopped by a glass wall. I look around and I’m back in the box that is filling up with water. As I’m looking around at the walls and ceiling, I somehow end up in a dark room and the friends that were just there are gone. I’m yelling for help and beating on the walls, but no one comes. When the water gets all the way to the top I remember that it isn’t real. I use my finger and tap through the glass, just like I did the first time. 

When I come out of the simulation, Cas asks me how I did that. I’m a little confused at first, then he asks how I broke the glass. I say, I don’t know and that I just did it. He seems upset, parroting back to me that I just did it, like a question. He comes over, sitting down like we are best buddies and asks me what my test results were. My stomach drops again. I’m sure that I have been found out and Lucifer will be hunting me down now. I stick with the plan though, and tell him that my results were Abnegation. He’s rather smug when he tells me that he doesn’t think so. 

I ask him what he means and he tells me that he thinks I am lying to him. I don’t want to lie, but I have to protect myself. He’s the one that I wish I could tell the most. His blue eyes bearing into my own and I have to turn away. I ask him why he thinks that I would lie to him. He leans in and says that he’s going to ask me one more time what my results were for the aptitude test. I blink and lie to his face. I have to make him believe that my results were Abnegation. He turns away, like I have hurt him, and then tells me that it’s time for me to go. When I’m walking out the door, he calls my name. I look back and he tells me that Dauntless doesn't break the glass like that. I turn away and leave the room.

I went to find Joanna, she was the first to warn me that I was in danger here, she also covered for me when my tests were inconclusive. She tells me again about her friend that did so well in the second stage training that one of the head Dauntless leaders came to watch him on the final day. The next day he turned up dead at the bottom of the chasm. She said it was the Dauntless leadership and told me that I couldn’t let them find out about me. I asked her, what if they already know?'' She told me that if they already know, then I’m already dead.

That’s it, I can’t deal with this alone anymore. I have to talk to Sammy, at least check on him. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him. I need to know that he’s okay. I leave through one of the back doors and take an alley that is rarely used. I jump the train, the way that Dauntless has taught me to, and I walk right in the front doors of Erudite headquarters. Sammy comes up to me straight away, he must be able to tell that I need a hug. He simply says, Dean, and then envelops me in his brotherliness. 

Once I feel like I can function again, he asks me what I’m doing there. I tell him that I’m in trouble and he decides we can’t have this conversation here. He pulls me to a side hall. I almost tell him right there, but then he has this look. This is ridiculous, I should be able to trust my own brother, but I stick to something that was true until very recently. I tell him that I’m not going to make it at Dauntless. I tell him that I don’t fit in there and he insists that I have to fit in there. I tell him that I’m not like them, he says no one is, that they are crazy. I try to see where he stands on things and ask him if he thinks that I could go back to Abnegation. He says that I can’t go back, that they would never let me do that.

When I ask him who wouldn’t let me, he says that Erudite wouldn’t. He says that they wouldn’t let Abnegation break any more rules. That’s insane. I ask if they actually think that they’re running the government now and he tells me that they may be soon. I can’t believe that, then he says that Erudite should be in charge, and that it certainly shouldn’t be Abnegation. Sam’s lost his mind. He’s been brainwashed by Lucifer. He says that all the other factions want Erudite in charge and that Abnegation has failed. When I try to tell him that there are people here that are manipulating him, he says that it’s time for me to go. That seems to be what I’m hearing the most today. I ask him Faction before Blood, and he just looks at me. I can’t believe that Sam would ever put anything over me. I wouldn’t dare put anything before him. I tell him that I got it and walk away. 

As I’m leaving there are guards that come up and act like they’re going to take me away. They say that I need to go with them. The hell they say. I have been trained to fight and I do just that. I’ve knocked them both back when I hear the voice that fills my nightmares. Lucifer calls out for us to stop. They fall back and he asks if I’m alright. I tell him that I’m fine, but end up having to follow him anyway. He leads me through a room with people attached to monitors who appear to be going through sims, but we find our way to a table and chairs and he tells me to sit down. I do and he surprises the hell out of me by saying that he’s happy that I came there today. This surprises me so I blurt out, you are? He ignores my question and asks me if I am happy with my faction.

I say yeah, that I’m happy with Dauntless, but he asks about me coming to see Sammy. I tell him that I only wanted to talk to him. He asks if I’ve seen my parents. I get an icy chill any time that he speaks to me. I don’t feel like I can be honest with him. It would get my mother in trouble. I think that he may be referring to Ellen and Bobby, but just to play it safe, I say no. He tells me that it’s hard to let go, and that Faction before Blood is an important idea, but it is sometimes difficult to fulfill. He says that it goes against our human nature, and that our nature is exactly what we need to overcome. How can human nature be such a bad thing? I ask if he thinks that human nature is a weakness, and he says that it’s the enemy. That it’s human nature to keep secrets, lie and steal, and that he wants to eradicate that. He says that’s how we will maintain a stable, peaceful society. 

Then he questions me again. “You would help me with that, wouldn’t you?” I’m starting to get nervous, but I ask how I would help him anyway. He tells me that I should be aware that Abnegation is undermining the faction system, breaking the rules, harboring divergents. I tell him that I didn’t know that, but if that is true then I’m glad that I left. He tells me that he needs to know that he can count on me to enforce the law, even if it’s been broken by someone close to me, someone that I care about. I tell him of course. Lying is becoming easier. I’m not so sure that is a good thing, just an observation. He says that is good and that he will have his car take me back to Dauntless.


	11. Betrayal

Part Ten: Betrayal 

When I got back to Dauntless, they were waiting. I’m not sure if he didn’t believe that I wouldn’t help him keep the law, or if it was the Dauntless leadership that had been clued in on my simulation results, but someone knew. Someone knew and they wanted me dead. They attacked as I was walking back toward the dorm area, trying to throw me into the chasm. Luckily, as I was getting close to the edge, Cas came up and saved me. There were three and they were dressed in dark clothes with black masks over their heads, but I did see one of their faces. It was Garth. I can’t believe that he would do this to me. 

Cas came up to me after he fought them and asked if I was alright. I wasn’t really, but said that I was and he took me back to his room. He gave me a shirt to put on, it was too big, but it was better than mine, which they had ripped in the struggle. He told me that I would be safe in his room, and that was what I really needed at the moment. I was just waiting on them to come bursting in the door. He was looking over my scrapes and cuts, cleaning them with a towel and water. It stung and I grabbed his hand. He stopped and looked at my hand laying on top of his. I pulled my hand away, looking down as I did so. Then for some reason I apologized to him. I didn’t want him to think that he was scaring me, even though he really was. My heart was pumping, and it had nothing to do with the idiots that had just tried to kill me.

He continued cleaning the cuts on my hand, but I had to break the silence. He is just too intense. If I let myself, I can be carried away in those extremely blue eyes and a deep gravelly voice. So instead I ask why he thinks that Garth attacked me. He’s my friend, so I shouldn’t have had to worry about him. Cas tells me that Garth wasn’t going to make the cut and that he was afraid. That it caused him to make a stupid decision. I tell him that everyone is afraid, and that isn’t an excuse for what he did. He tells me that different people react differently to fear. That it shuts people like Garth down, but not me. He tells me that it wakes me up. The way he looks at me sometimes, it makes me think that maybe he would be into me if I could just let him know that I’m into him. I believe that he’s wrong about me, because fear is what keeps my mouth shut about how I feel.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m from Abnegation and I was raised to put others before myself or what, but I can’t see hurting someone just because you’re scared. I mean facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them is what the second stage of training is about. If he really wasn’t able to face his, to the extent that he would try to kill me, then he definitely wouldn’t pass this stage. Cas tells me that I should go lie down and I agree. He takes the floor. I feel a little bad about sleeping in his bed while he has to sleep on the concrete floor, but I don’t have the courage to tell him to join me. I’m not sure that I would ever be able to openly admit to him that it’s what I really want.

The next morning I wake up alone, but it isn’t long before Cas comes walking through the door. He asks where I went yesterday. I feel like I should be ashamed, so I am looking down when I tell him that I went to see my brother. I feel anger begin to well inside me when he asks if it’s getting a little too boring for me here. I want to explain to him that Sammy is my life, but that doesn’t fit in well with the faction before blood and I keep my mouth shut. I tell him that my brother told me that he thinks that Erudite is planning to overthrow Abnegation. For some reason I feel like I can trust him enough to ask this, it may have to do with the fact that he saved my life last night. 

He tells me that yeah, he believes that is something that Erudite would be capable of. I tell him that I’m worried about my parents. He looks away and takes a breath before agreeing with me, but also telling me that he thinks I have other things that I need to be worrying about. He’s right, and I agree with him. I have people that are trying to kill me. I have to worry about that and passing this second stage of training. After looking at each other for longer than is probably normal, I get up and tell him that I should go. What I don’t voice out loud is that leaving is the last thing that I want to do, but I feel like he already knows that from our silent exchange. He seems to want to say something as I’m leaving, but he evidently decides not to and then I leave. 

I go down to the common area, where we eat, and find Benny. The first thing that he does is ask about the sweater I’m wearing. I wouldn’t dare tell him that it belongs to Cas. I would never live that down and that is the last thing that I am thinking about right now, even though the reminder does make me smile. I didn’t think that I was capable of that right now. I guess I was wrong.

He asks what happened to me last night. I’m really not sure what I was going to tell him. It doesn’t matter anyway, because Garth chose that moment to come up and try to apologize. He is crying and has cuts all over his face, but when he asks if I could ever forgive him, all I can see is his face as he’s trying to push me over the ledge. I’m angry and I’m scared and all I can say is that if he ever comes near me again that I will kill him. The friendship that we built while we were going through the first stage of training, has been completely destroyed by one decision. I tell him that he is a coward, while thinking that being scared is what is making me stand my ground right now. Maybe Cas wasn’t completely wrong about me after all. Garth simply looks at me with a sad expression on his face for a moment and turns and walks away. 

I have tears in my eyes as I turn back to Benny. He’s a wonderful friend, because he pretends as though he doesn’t notice. We do leave the common area fairly quickly and make our way back to the dorms. I’m explaining to him and Charlie, another friend that I have made over the course of our training. She is normally very bouncy with an upbeat attitude that I didn’t think anything could dampen, but I was wrong. She’s very serious now as she listens to what happened to me the night before. We hear a commotion and leave the dorm room walking back to the open area before the chasm. There are voices coming from there. When we get close, I can tell that they are pulling up a body and my heart drops. 

It was Garth that they eventually pulled over the edge. Benny and Charlie look at me but neither says anything. I might not have wanted him near me anymore, but that would have been solved by him being cut and sent to live with the factionless. I didn’t want him to kill himself. The guilt builds inside of me until I can’t take it anymore and head back through the tunnel like hallways that are common in Dauntless. 

Cas finds me and tries to talk to me, but I just want to be alone right now. The guilt for causing him to kill himself is eating me alive and I just want to be able to break down where no one can see me. He follows though and tells me that he heard about Garth and that he is sorry. He knows that we were close before last night, but he missed the exchange in the commons earlier, he doesn’t know that I told him I would kill him. He doesn’t know that I flat out refused his apology. He doesn’t know that it was my fault.

I guess my body gives up on finding a place to be alone to break down. I lose it and start crying. I tell him that it’s my fault, but he argues that no, it wasn’t because of me. That it was Garth’s choice. It was his choice to attack me last night and it was his choice to take his life today. He tells me that Garth would have been factionless, that he wasn’t going to make it past the final test. I tell him that neither am I. That gets his attention and he levels me that stare that should probably be intimidating, but I only find endearing. 

After another round of staring between us he asks why I say that. I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my throat as I tell him that he already knows why. He’s been asking me questions that tell me he has known for a while, but I haven’t been able to tell him anything. I don’t tell him now either, but he nods, confirming that he already knew. I tell him that as soon as all the others find out that I’m going to be dead, but he interrupts me before I can say anymore. He tells me that he isn’t going to let that happen. This is another moment that I believe he sees something in me that I am trying to keep hidden. He has figured out my biggest secret, maybe he knows how I really feel about him as well.


	12. Training

Part Eleven: Training

I follow him to the simulation room, and after we enter he tells me to close and lock the door. He’s already started assembling the machine that allows him to share my fear scape. I do as he tells me, and he explains that I’m going to practice. I ask him if he means in my fear scape, but I pause as I notice he is taking off his jacket and going to the other side of the desk. He tells me that no it won’t be my fear landscape, but his. This catches me off guard. I mean, yeah he has been able to see into my head since the beginning, but this will let me see inside his. This makes him vulnerable and that isn’t something that I’ve ever known him to be. He tells me that we are going to go in together and I can’t help but to ask him if he has ever done this before. He seems almost shy as he looks away and explains that no, he hasn’t ever done this before. I can’t help the fact that this makes me feel like he sees me as special. I’m starting to think that maybe he does know my secret, and that it isn’t really a bad thing. 

I can’t get over the fact that he is opening himself up like this. I finally give in and ask him if he’s sure that he wants to do this. He has a small smirk on his face, and I have a sudden urge to kiss it away. He asks me why he wouldn’t want to do it. My biggest reason for not telling him how I feel comes out before I can stop it. I tell him that he hasn’t told me anything about himself and this is just letting me inside of his head. He gets a strange look and asks if I’m afraid of that. I can’t help the incredulous look when I ask him if he’s not. He simply says no and injects himself with the serum. What can I say to that? Nothing, so I allow him to inject me with it also. The way that he cradles my face as he administers it distracts me momentarily from the fact that this should be scaring me. Once we go into his fear landscape, he will know without a doubt that I am divergent. I can’t bring myself to worry about that at the moment though, with his calloused, but somehow still soft, hand caressing my cheek. I just watch him for a second and then he places the injector on the table and I take a seat. Once the electrodes are placed on our heads it’s almost an immediate sensation of being somewhere else. I open my eyes and we are on a thin metal bridge above the city. 

I should have known that this would be one of his fears. I already knew that he didn’t like heights from the ferris wheel. I try to joke it off telling him that he has a fear of heights, which he already knows, and that I’m not surprised. He also knows that I know this, but he’s quiet and it takes a moment for him to acknowledge me. I get his attention when I tell him that it isn’t real and that we could just jump. His response is to finally stand up and tell me that no, we can’t jump. He says that a divergent would jump, but a Dauntless would try to get to the building on the other end of the bridge. He says that if I want to pass, I have to conquer my fears and escape the way that a Dauntless would. That I have to look for a tool or some method to survive, that’s how I will make it undiscovered. 

When we make it across the bridge and enter the building on the other side, there is a tiny area that is boxed in. He says that it’s a fear of confinement. Just then the walls start moving in and he tells me that a Dauntless would try to find a way to stop it. I look around trying to find anything, and just as I’m about to freak out myself I find some nails that are lying on the ground. He says that I’m doing well as I try to wedge them under the moving walls to slow them down. It takes a while though, and evidently, when he gets nervous he tries to make stupid jokes. He tells me to take my time, he’s just enjoying himself in the shrinking room. I can’t help the eye roll. I really am trying my best.

Just as the walls are about to close on us the nails catch and they stop. The room is now a rather large room with no sign of the tiny box that we were just trapped in, other than our slowly calming breaths and the sweat on his forehead. We walk to the center of the room. There is a gun on the table and a young girl sitting tied to a chair. He begins by telling me that as a Dauntless soldier you have to sometimes follow orders that you don’t agree with. I ask him who the girl is, but all he says is that she’s an innocent. He picks up the gun and starts walking toward her, telling me that he has to kill her. Then I’m the one in the chair looking up at him, and he tells me that he can never do it unless he looks away. Then he does just that. He looks to the side and pulls the trigger. 

Then we are in another room and I recognize it immediately. It’s Abnegation, and I immediately have a sick feeling in my stomach. I ask Cas why we are in Abnegation, but he doesn’t answer me for a moment. Then he stops, looking up at me, he says the last fear is your worst fear and that it lives in the deepest part of your mind. He’s walking again now, into another room. Once we have completely entered, I see Chuck coming down the stairs into the room and what little doubt that I had of what this was is crushed. I say, simply for myself because he knows this, “Chuck had a son. What was his name?” Then as if answering my question, Chuck calls to him, “Castiel.” It keeps repeating and there are now several Chucks around the room. We are surrounded by them. They are all holding a belt, like a whipping strap. He keeps saying Castiel and that he is just trying to help him. Then the next thing that I know he is swinging. Cas blocks blow after blow and when he is finally able to hit back, they all go down and then we are back in the simulation room. 

I sit up with a start, and Cas is behind me. The only thing that gives away how scared he was is the fact that his breathing is heavier than normal and that when he removes the electrode from my head his hand is shaking. I don’t call him out on it there, because I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the rumors were true. I defended Chuck, Bobby and Ellen had defended Chuck, how could we have been so wrong? Cas is quiet as he cleans up the simulation room, and I am lost somewhere in my head, so I don’t interrupt that quiet until after we are back in his room. I’m really not sure how we got there, but I’m glad that I didn’t leave him alone. Only now that the adrenaline has worn off, does he look like he is about to break down. 

He goes out to a balcony that is attached to his room. It has a beautiful view of the city, but it is a testament to how upset that he is that the height doesn’t seem to bother him right now. I’m not sure that he wants company right now, but I can’t stand to see him look so upset. I take a chance and join him on the balcony and stand beside him. Instead of confronting him over what took place in his fear landscape, I ask about the fact that he only has four fears. He tells me that he had four coming in and still has the same four. He tells me that he keeps going into the simulation, but that he doesn’t think anyone ever loses their fear.

I ask about his tattoo. It’s something else that really shouldn’t be consequential, but it ends up being something very significant. It’s a large black set of wings that run from the base of his back up and out his shoulders with each of the symbols for the factions down the middle. I tell him how amazing it is as I run my fingers over the feathers. He does a full body shiver and I try to distract myself by asking why he has all the factions. He tells me that he doesn’t want to be just one thing.That he can’t be. He wants to be brave, intelligent, selfless, honest and kind. He turns around and is right up in my space, saying that he’s still working on kind. I think back to all the times that he has been abrupt with me, but I also think of all the times that he has been kind to me, and I have to wonder if he doesn’t see that he is kind already. 

I find myself looking at his lips as these thoughts are going through my head, wondering what it would be like to kiss him. I look up and meet his eyes and it’s like he was reading my mind. He leans in capturing my lips with his own. His hands go up and encase my face, allowing me to feel safe, but at the same time, I’m terrified. He continues kissing me, running his hands up and down my back and into my hair. I finally give into the urge to run my fingers through his dark messy hair, and it’s just as soft as I imagined it would be. We continue kissing for a while, moments, hours, I’m really not sure, but I place my finger over his lips and back away. I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested, but I have never been with anyone, and I tell him that I don’t want to move too fast. I’m smiling and he’s smiling, and even if it bothers him that this is all I’m willing to do right now, he says that it’s okay. He smirks again and tells me that he already has his spot on the floor. This causes me to breathe out a laugh. I’m so glad that he understands, but I’m still afraid that he will go too far too fast. I know it’s irrational, he’s always took my lead, even when I didn’t realize it, but it’s something that is there anyway. 

When I wake up in the morning, it’s to a soft touch to my face, almost caressing. He tells me that he wants me to see something and that I should follow him. I don’t really want to get out of bed, but I do and follow him out of his room and onto the roof. He tells me to look down over the edge, and when I do, I'm not really sure what I see. It’s Erudite, but what are they doing? I ask Cas and he says that they have been coming here every morning for the last few weeks. He’s been watching them and they are loading in supplies, computers, and these. He holds up a cylinder that contains an amber liquid inside. When I ask him what it is, he says that he thinks it’s some kind of cognitive transmitter that you inject, like a serum. I ask him why and he says that it’s supposed to make you more susceptible to suggestion, but that as many as they have that they could create an army. I think back to what Sammy said about Erudite overthrowing Abnegation and my blood runs cold. Then over the loudspeakers, there’s someone announcing that all initiates must report for the final stage of testing, and if I wasn’t already pale enough, I know that I lose what color is left. 

He tries to comfort me, placing a hand on my shoulder and telling me that I’m ready and that I can do this. I know we have practiced all that we are able to, so I push my fears down and nod. Then we make our way to the testing center. As we walk into the room, Lucifer is there. My stomach turns simply at the thought of being in the same room as him, let alone actually interacting with the man. I decide that I have more important things to focus on as I listen to Cas reminding me that they can see my hallucinations on the giant screens around the room, and that I need to take my time and work through each of my fears. I snort as I reply that if I’m too good they will kill me and if I’m too slow that I will die. He grins, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He simply says right, and good luck. I wish that he could be in my fear landscape with me, but this is something that I have to do on my own. 

I walk up the steps to the platform that the simulation chair is centered on. I notice that not only is Lucifer here, but so is Uriel. This is awesome, all my enemies in one place. Sarcasm comes easy, because it’s my coping mechanism when I’m nervous. I sit down in the chair and Jo comes up and administers the serum. She tells me good luck, and that she hopes I make it. That isn’t really a confidence builder, but I have faith in myself and in Cas, we have practiced enough that I should be able to do this. I close my eyes and the next time that I open them, I’m in my fear landscape. 

I once again wake up in a field, and there are a large group of birds that begins circling around me. I try to run, but my feet get stuck in the mud, just like before. This time though, instead of panicking, I see the fire and run towards it. The birds begin attacking just as I reach the fire. I duck and try to evade them until I can grab a stick that is on fire and swing it at them. I notice that the birds are gone and try to move, only to find that my hands have been tied and the rope that also goes around my waist, is also anchored down to some kind of metal pole in the ground. The fire saved me last time, so I try that again, holding my hands as far apart as I can, I place them over the flames. The rope comes free, but my hands are burning. I run to a puddle and put my hands below the water, only to find that I’m back in the glass box that is filling with water. 

I look around and place my hands on the glass. For a moment, I think of breaking it the way I did before, but then I remember that I can’t do that. They are all watching me, so I take my jacket off and use it to stop up the pipe that the water is coming out of. When I come out of it, I’m back in Cas’s room and he is congratulating me. He starts kissing me, but when I try to get him to stop, he doesn’t. He says, aren’t you Dauntless, and I fight back. Then, I’m back in the observation room for the final test. Cas comes up to me as I walk off the stage. I ask him to please tell me that he wasn’t watching that and he smirked, then asks if I want him to lie to me. Lucifer then comes up with his greasy grin and tells me that I’ve done well, but there is one final test. He lays a gun in my and my family comes up. Bobby and Ellen are there, and so is Sammy, but he’s in Abnegation grey, not Erudite blue. Lucifer tells me that I know what to do and all I can do is look back and forth between him and Sammy. I tell him no, but he says if you want to be Dauntless, do it. I look back at my family and realize that this still isn’t real, I’m still in my fear landscape. I raise the gun and fire. 

I wake up with a jolt, and Cas is there asking if I’m alright. Lucifer is still off to the side talking with other Erudite and Dauntless leaders. Cas says that it all looked good to him and is trying to calm me down without showing too much concern. We meet in yet another area of Dauntless as Gordon welcomes all the new members of Dauntless. There is a lot of celebrating going on, but I don’t see Cas anywhere. Finally, as we are leaving and heading down the corridors, I hear Uriels voice. He’s telling people to get into lines. Benny asks what’s going on right before Uriel decides to tell us. He says that we are getting a tracking device. Cas hadn’t mentioned this, so it isn’t something that has been done before and my mind immediately goes to the serum that was being brought in my Erudite. 

We are lined up in four lines and people are getting it administered. I can’t help but to freak out a little. I have to find Cas, he’ll know what to do. I ask if anyone has seen him, but no one has. I go to look for him, but before I can make it out of the hall Uriel comes up talking about how I should have been first in line. He says that’s okay though and has someone come up and inject the serum where we are. He makes a comment about it hurting like a bitch, and that now I’m really one of them, and just walks away, leaving me standing there rubbing my neck and wondering what the hell just happened.


	13. War

Part Twelve: War 

I never did find Cas, so I go back with all the others to the bunks. It’s not as crowded now that the ones that haven’t made it have been removed, but I still can’t wait for them to assign us individual rooms. I can’t clear my mind and it’s hard for me to fall asleep, but I finally do, only to be woken up to the sound of others in the bunk getting dressed. It’s still dark, but everyone is getting ready. When I ask Benny what’s going on all I get is a blank stare back, and I realize this is it. They really are doing the mind control thing that Cas had talked about. I quickly got dressed and join the others leaving the room. We walk down the hall and into a larger room where they are giving out weapons. I hear Gordon talking before I get to the room, but I continue looking forward, acting like everyone else. He says that we can see and hear them, just that we don’t process it the same. That our commands come in through the transmitter. I risk a glance looking up and realize that there is a whole team gathered around him, including Uriel. 

One by one Dauntless are lining up to take the weapons. They really have made an army. There’s a guy who comes stumbling into the room after everyone else has lined up. He’s still pulling on his clothes as he tries to ask another Dauntless member what is going on. He tries another, asking what we are doing. After a second or two I hear Gordon speak to Uriel once again. He tells him that the guy is divergent. Uriel must take that as some kind of a signal. He goes up to the guy and tells him not to worry about anything, that it’s going to be alright. Then he shoots him in the head. There isn’t any hesitation, and he doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. Divergents must be dealt with. 

I flinch, but get myself back under control and continue to follow my line to get my weapon. Once we have those, we load a train. It is once again stopped. The reason for that is probably that everyone is moving like zombies and wouldn’t be able to jump on it fast enough. There is a Dauntless leader stationed at every door helping us on. We are then lined up inside, without hardly any room to breathe, let alone move. Once I am in my line, it's hard to see those that aren’t immediately beside or in front of me. Cas’s height is the only reason that he is visible several lines ahead of me. I’m both relieved and worried by the fact that he is here. If he wasn’t then the leaders would know what I have suspected for a while, that he is divergent as well, the fact that he’s here either means he is playing the system like I am and hoping to somehow make it out undetected, or the worse option, that he is under the control of the simulation that is causing all of Dauntless to act like robots. 

I slowly begin making my way through the train car. It is tight, so I end up brushing against others on my way. The good thing about the serum is that it seems to have made them not interact with their surroundings at the moment, so I am able to simply move a line up and wait for them to settle down again before moving to another line. I feel a pang of sadness as I make my way past Benny and he doesn’t seem to recognize me, before I push that down and keep trying to find Cas. It takes a while, but finally I am standing right beside him. It only takes a second, but that second feels like an eternity, before he reaches down and brushes his fingers over mine. I don’t know what I would have done had he looked at me the same way Benny did only a moment before. I, luckily, don’t have to worry about that, as Cas takes my hand in his and seemingly blinks and takes a breath for the first time in a while. We stand quietly, just breathing with each other, but never letting go, until we pull up to the station and the train stops. 

Everyone unloads and lines up beside the platform. We then march across the gravel roads between buildings. Our destination is almost immediately clear, as the grey buildings of Abnegation come into view. It wasn’t like I had any doubt to begin with. My mind flies to Bobby and Ellen. It’s barely sun rise, they would be still preparing for their way. We come across some children playing in the path that runs between the houses. The soldiers, that Dauntless have been transformed into, don’t even stop, they don’t even slow down. I look to Cas and we both seem to realize this isn’t going to be good. 

Dauntless are spread between the different paths and go door by door to every house, pulling men, women and children out onto the street. Once they have been brought out they are all herded together like animals. I can’t take it anymore, I turn to Cas and tell him that I have to find my parents. They can’t have any idea what’s coming their way. I mean, Sammy knew, because he’s the one that told me something was coming. He didn’t seem to have any idea that it would be something like this, or I don’t believe he would have had any part in it. Sammy may be one of the smartest people I have ever met, but he still cared about his family when he left, and I don’t think that they could have brainwashed him against us that quickly. 

We pass a couple arguing with the Dauntless, at the same moment that a shot goes out. Cas grabs my arm having me continue. He tells me to just keep moving, that there is nothing I can do. He then asks me where my house was. We seperate from the group and make our way to the tiny house that was my home for most of my life. We enter with our guns raised, just like everyone else that is a part of Dauntless, but that is where the similarities end with us. The moment that we are in the door, the guns are down and we are searching for my family. We split up a bit and continue searching. When we still don’t find them anywhere in the house, he asks where else they might be. The problem is that I have no idea.

We leave the house and step into line with the other Dauntless that are marching by, having already cleared the houses down from us. Of course as we get around a hundred feet down the path we see Uriel and Gordon walking the other direction. Uriel looks as if he is about to step in and I notice Cas sending me a glance that I decipher as I keep going, but stay close. That’s exactly what I do as Uriel steps in front of him, causing him to have to stop. He’s taunting Cas, but to his credit Cas doesn’t react. He simply stands there looking at Uriel as if he can’t hear him. He goes to step away, but steps back before I can even let my guard down in the least. Gordon asks him if he thinks Cas might be divergent, but Uriel being the cocky bastard that he is, says that there is one way to find out and begins to aim his weapon. 

I can’t stand by and let him shoot Cas. So even though he hasn’t moved a muscle, when Uriel releases the safety on his gun, I raise mine as well. This is followed by several movements. Uriel is now holding his gun to Cas’s head, Gordon has his to mine and mine is aimed at Uriel’s. For just a moment Uriel seems amused that both of us are from Abnegation and both of us are divergent. There is no way to hide it anymore, so he is positive. Gordon says that they can’t let a single divergent slip through. Uriel says that I’m not going to shoot him, and his smug voice is just too much as I tell him that he may just be overestimating my character. He tries to grab my gun, simply knocking it down from his head, and I fire. It’s only a shot in the leg, but it’s enough for us to get away from the two. 

We make a run for it, heading down the street and making a turn at the next intersection of the path. Unfortunately, Gordon fires a shot, hitting me in the arm as I go around the edge of the building. Cas notices as well, saying that I’ve been hit. It’s a testament to my worry, that I don’t have a witty comeback to this statement. He stops me, pulling me back into him as three men step around the far end of the building and two more come up behind us. Gordon yells for us to drop our weapons. We are then bound and lead into a building that seems to be being used as a base of operations of some sort. 

I should have known that Lucifer would be inside. He’s been the one leading this, whatever it is, against Abnegation all along. He seems to be truly upset, and although he swears that he doesn’t lie, I find it hard to believe that he is at this moment. He doesn’t recognize that sometimes names are changed when a child leaves a faction, as he calls out Castiel Shirley. It sounds so strange hearing Cas called that, that I barely realize that he has said my name as well. When I look up at him he continues as if he’s had my attention all along. He talks about how he thought he sensed intelligence in me, but that such traits must have been skipped over me, as my brother seems to have all the brains. I always knew that Sammy was smarter than me, but that doesn’t mean I like Lucifer noticing anything about him. 

Cas tells him that he isn’t as smart as he thinks he is, and I watch for him to finally lose his patience. I ask him why he’s doing this, why he’s killing innocent people. He seems to be taken aback. He doesn’t see them as innocent people. He says that if Abnegation remains unchecked, that they will destroy the faction system. It’s like he remembers who he’s talking to as he then turns it on us. He says that the same can be said of both of us, if someone doesn’t stop us, then all will be lost. Cas is reasonably upset by this and tells him that it’s already been lost, that Lucifer himself has destroyed it. He still honestly believes that he has been called upon to protect the city from divergents like us. This is evident in his continued flow of crap about how divergents are going to destroy everything, and people like him have to step up and protect everyone. 

Me being me though, I can’t just keep my mouth shut and listen to the babble. I have to break in and ask him what if he’s wrong, then what. He doesn’t grace me with an answer, simply walking up to Cas and checking him over. He tells the guards to bring Cas with them. Sticking a finger in my bullet wound, he tells them that I’m injured and my results would be unclear. He tells them to get rid of me, but that’s too much for Cas to stand there and listen to, so he goes after him. He makes it through a few guards and reaches Lucifer’s coat, but is back under their control before he can actually do any damage. I catch a glimpse of Lucifer, just after he leaves the building. He is at least a little flustered. That might put him off his game, but I seriously doubt that it would be enough to stop what he is doing. As we go out the door, Cas is led to the cars that are waiting in the direction that Lucifer just went, and they lead me around to the side of the building. I can’t quit looking at him and seeing him look back until the building cuts off our line of sight from each other. 

I don’t know why they decided to take me out of sight, around the buildings, but I’m very glad that they did. Just as they were about to shoot me, I was already kneeling in the dirt, I heard shots. The one with the gun goes down first, then one by one, the guards around me go down as well. I look up and over towards the trees and see the same woman that had been at the station when we were loading supplies. I see my mother running at me yelling. She seems afraid that I have been injured, but once she sees that I haven’t she takes several weapons from her coat and ankle, giving them to me. Then we take the weapons that the guards had been using and make our way further down the track. It hits me then that she is extremely brave. I state more than ask, that she was Dauntless. She gets a grin on her face and says that it suited her well today. 

I allow the fact that I unknowingly followed in my mother’s footsteps to bounce around in my head for only a second, then she is getting my attention and telling me about everyone else. Dad is okay. He took Ellen and Bobby to a hideout. Sammy told Ellen that something was going down, and they all decided to meet up there, but mom wanted to find me first. We start running again, because while this little reunion is awesome, there are still people trying to kill me, her as well. We duck into an alley that runs along the center of town as we are trying to make our way across. People are shooting and I can hear the bullets bouncing off the brick from the buildings around us. We’re surrounded. Some of these people are friends that I have made while I was training for Dauntless, others are people who have been at Dauntless for a while, but they all are under a simulation. That makes it so much harder to shoot back at them, even if they are trying to kill me. 

Then I see Andrea. She’s Benny’s girlfriend and someone that I have grown close to over our training period. I can’t do this! I yell for her, but she keeps shooting. If I could just break her out of the sim then I wouldn’t have to hurt her. I yell her name over and over, but she keeps getting closer and is still shooting. I finally have no choice, I have to shoot her or she will kill me and my mother. As she drops, so does my stomach. I understand now why Cas has to turn his head when shooting an innocent. The look on Andrea’s face will haunt me forever. I don’t know how I will ever face Benny again. 

Finally, they are all down in the alley and the street down from it. We get to the end and I think my mom realizes that I’m losing it. She stops and comes back just watching me for a second and it all comes bubbling out. I tell her that I killed Andrea, I killed her. She hugs me and says that we need to go find my father. This is something that drags me from my stupor. I haven’t met my father, and even though the circumstances are horrible, it is something that I am looking forward to. 

We reach the cross street, that is twice as wide as any street we have had to cross so far. She holds back and I head out. Just as I am around halfway across, a vehicle comes around the corner. It’s loaded with men with guns, they start running at us and the fire fight is on again. Mom comes running out shooting and my gun is shot from my hand. She keeps firing and runs, pulling me across the street and into another alley. We hit the ground hard, so I ask if she’s okay. She says yes, so I grab the gun and start shooting back at the men. We have a break, so I turn to tell her that we need to move, but she is still lying there. She looks pale and a little out of it. I look her over and realize that she’s been shot. The blood is soaking through her dress under an area that she has her hand pressed into. 

I try to keep her with me. I haven’t had a chance to get to know her. This can’t be happening. Sammy never even got to meet her. This is all my fault, why did I have to lose my gun? I keep calling to her, begging her to please stay with me. She’s completely unresponsive as the bullets start raining down on me again. I yell for them to stop, don’t they know what I’m dealing with right now? They don’t stop though, and eventually I have to run, or her death will have been for nothing. I have to get to Sammy. 

I kept running, we were almost there. I get inside and can’t help myself, I completely break down. I only allow myself a moment though, I have to find the rest of my family. I walk through the warehouse and finally find them in the back corner huddled around a light. I ask where my father is, and a tall man comes up behind me, apparently he was hidden separately in case someone came up that wasn’t a friend. He says my name, but looks around. He asks about my mother. I can’t speak, I can only shake my head. The guilt is eating me alive. The devastation is clear on his face, but he still comes up and hugs me. Who knew that I needed this. That I needed my father’s acceptance. I can see Bobby and Ellen standing off to the side, and as I break my hug with my father, Ellen embraces me in the tightest hug I’ve ever encountered. Then Sam comes around the corner, and I’m losing it again. I feel like such a girl right now, because I can’t seem to quit crying. I am running over and hugging him as tight as I can. I look back at my father and tell him that she saved me. I pull away from Sammy and apologize, telling them all that she died saving me. My father tells me that if she died saving me, then it wasn’t in vain. 

Just then Charles Shurley came up to us and asked if I was followed. I can’t help the incredulous look I give him. Now that I know what he did to his son, especially a son as wonderful as Cas, I can’t even stand to look at the man. He changes the way he words it, asking if there are soldiers outside. Ah, he’s wanting to get away. I tell him that no, it’s clear. Sam is crying now, saying that he should have believed me, and that he left as soon as he realized what was going on. He asks why Dauntless are fighting for Erudite. I explain to them that they don’t know what they’re doing, they are under a simulation. I tell them that I need to wake them up, and to do that I need to get into Dauntless. Charles says that it’s impossible, it’s a fortress, it’s not going to happen. He talks like he has any say in what I’m going to do. I look him in the eye and tell him that I can get us there.


	14. Awakening

Part Thirteen: Awakening

I go out ahead of the others, and I can tell that none of them are Dauntless, because they hang back and let me check that the coast is clear. I gather weapons from the fallen Dauntless that are littering the streets outside of the hideout. I get them onto the train and give them weapons. When we are getting close to the rooftop where we jumped the first day of initiation, I tell them to get ready. John, my father, asks what now. I tell him that he isn’t going to like it. I open the door and look at all of them, then as we reach the roof, I jump. They follow, one by one, Charles of course going last. We run across, until we reach the end and the hole that we had to jump through. I tell them that there is a net at the bottom, don’t think, just jump, then I do just that. I climb up and jump first. 

As they follow, I pull the rope for them, trying not to think about Cas doing the same thing for me. I ask if they’re good before we start the next portion. They all seem a little shaken, but they are making it. We head through the tunnels and come across Caleb. I tell them to wait in the shadow. I kick his gun from his hand and tell him to get against the wall. He doesn’t seem to be under the simulation, and I ask him about that. He says that it’s because he’s smarter than me, and that they need him. I ask him where they are controlling it from, and he asks why he should tell me. He looks at my gun and says that it isn’t like I’m going to shoot him. This really pisses me off, because that’s two in one day that have underestimated me. I express that by asking him why people keep saying that. I shoot him in the leg just to prove my point. 

I ask him again, where they are controlling it from. This time he agrees to take us. Charles actually has the nerve to ask if I really had to shoot him. I explain to him that every minute that we waste another member of Abnegation dies and another Dauntless becomes a murderer, so yes, I really had to shoot him. He leads us through the tunnels even further, and I’m starting to think that I know where he’s taking us. I believe that we are going to the area that Lucifer was coming from the last time that I saw him here. I was right, as we get close, he hangs back. I look around the corner and there is Gordon and some other goons. I ask if it’s him, and he says yes. That’s when I tell them that I’ve seen Lucifer here before. John takes my spare gun, looking me in the eye and tells me that I’m the one that said there wasn’t a single second to waste.

I know that he is just avenging his wife, but it still feels good that he has my back. He goes around the corner first. This is the John Winchester that I’ve heard Bobby talk about. The warrior that went out past the fence and was banned for it. He just walked straight towards the guards firing his stolen weapon like he was born using it. I’m not going to waste the opportunity. We all follow after, shooting the guards as we approach the room. Once they are all down, I make my way around the corner, but as I look back I notice Bobby leaning down, over my father’s body. It seems I have lost him as well today. This will bother, I know it will, but right now I have to push on. I ask Bobby to keep an eye on Sammy and tell him that I’m going in. No one tries to follow me, but they don’t try to stop me either. I guess that is something. 

There are so many cables running down the hall that it’s almost impossible to walk, but I manage. When I get to the end there is a large white room with what appears to be giant screens set up, showing what is happening in Abnegation. I then look to the side and see Cas. He doesn’t seem to see me, and they have electrodes attached to him. What he sees is showing above his head on a screen, but I still cut loose his binds. He disarms me and then knocks me back. I call his name, but he isn’t looking at me with any recognition. I try to wake him, telling him that he’s in a sim. Lucifer chooses this moment to come gliding up like an avenging angel. He tells me that Cas can’t hear me, and then starts rambling in that way he does about what makes up a person. Then he brags about how all that can be wiped away with a little chemistry. He says that we are safer now that Cas is gone. I am outraged by this, asking how exactly we are safer. 

He goes on about how the faction system is the safest way, and that divergents are going against the factions, and that eliminating them keeps the peace, that independent will is dangerous. He says that even though there is a certain beauty in our resistance, that it is a beauty that they just can’t afford. Then he just walks away, apparently having made his point and not wanting to waste anymore time on me. I try again to wake Cas, but just as I touch his face one of Lucifer’s lackeys pressed some buttons on a screen and he’s attacking me. He fights hard, and he fights dirty, he truly is Dauntless. I have learned well though, and I hold my own for a while, but it eventually becomes apparent that I can’t continue. I call out to him throughout the fight, but there is no recognition. 

He knocks me onto the ground again, but this time there’s a gun. I point it at him to start with, but I remember that it wouldn’t do any good that way. Everyone is surrounding us now, he’s made his way over top of me, but I have an idea. I turn the gun on myself. He takes the opportunity for what it is, grabbing the gun. I tell him over and over that it’s me, and it’s okay, and that I love him. He closes his eyes and goes to turn away, just like he did in his fear landscape, and this is where I lose if I’m not careful. I grab his face, turning his head back and tell him to look at me. It’s really me. Then, there’s a shift, the look of recognition crosses his face and he says my name. 

I nod and that’s all it takes. He swings around firing at the guards that are still gathered around us. They scatter and Lucifer yells to finish it, and then tries to do something on the screen that they seem to be putting in orders for the sim. Cas is amazing, using bodies of the guards as shields, while trying to get to the ones that are running the simulation. I manage to get a knife from one of the guards, and I look up to see Lucifer looking at a screen with Abnegation lined up like a slaughter, with Dauntless spread out holding them at gunpoint. Whatever he is doing, he’s frantic, and it unnerves me. The Dauntless are having the members of Abnegation kneel. They are about to start murdering them all. I can’t let that happen, so I throw my stolen blade and land it in Lucifer’s hand. It lands square in the middle, and I tell him to shut down the sim. He of course says no, these people keep underestimating me. I look up at the screen and see Benny pushing Abnegation members to the ground, completely unaware of what he’s actually doing, and I snap. 

I pull the knife from his hand and the screen and hold it to his throat, telling him, yet again, to shut it down. He says that he admires that I am willing to die for what I am trying to do, but so is he. He calls me out, saying that I can’t kill him. I’m running out of time, the members of Dauntless that are showing on the screen have their guns aimed at Abnegation. I look around the room and take in what is showing on each of the screens, but as I’m doing this I see one of the simulation pods lying on the floor, and I get an idea. He says that maybe I’m not quite as Dauntless as I thought I was, and while he meant it as something derogatory, I take it as a compliment. I tell him he’s right, I’m not, I’m divergent. 

Cas read the look that I gave him as I had shoved Lucifer away from me, and he tossed me the injector already loaded with the sim formula. I inject it into Lucifer’s neck, telling him to shut it down and wipe the program, so that he can’t do it again. Cas is coming up and putting the commands into the system to have him actually do as I’ve said. Lucifer puts in the codes, and alertness sweeps over the members of Dauntless on the computer screens. I watch as Benny looks around in disgust at what he was doing, as it’s pretty obvious to everyone. Dauntless members are looking around in horror, and Abnegation members are hugging each other and crying. 

It’s complete chaos on the screen and off, as Lucifer is starting to realize what he was made to do. The screens start going to static and I am finally able to look away from them and back to Cas. We seem to get lost in each other's eyes once again, but we are brought back by Lucifer’s pitiful protests. He’s trying to bring something back up on the computer, but since he was the one that wiped the program, it was done completely. I threw his words from earlier back at him, telling him that there was a certain beauty to his resistance. This is evidently too much for him to take and he charges towards me, but I am just as angry as he is and I knock him to the ground easily. Cas draws my attention to the monitors and the guards that are rushing through the tunnels towards us, and tells me that we have to go, now. 

When we leave the room, Charles is right up in Cas’s face. I hadn’t had time to warn Cas about his father being with me, or anything that had happened while he was under Lucifer’s charge. He pretty much ignores Charles anyway, simply announcing to the group that we need to keep moving and walking away. He picks up a gun from one of the fallen guards and continues leading the way out. It’s amazing how when it was only me and the members of our group, I had to be the leader, but with Cas here, it’s so easy to let him take the lead. Even though he takes charge, I still walk beside him. We’re a team and we both know that, everyone else will learn it as well. We get out of the building and there are members of Dauntless all around, but they appear to still be a little unsure of what is going on. This makes it easier for us to make our escape with members of Abnegation and Erudite with us as well. 

We catch up to the train as it is leaving the platform, and Cas trips the door release. Our little group runs to catch up and board the train. Charles is lagging behind this time, and even though the decision has to be hard for Cas, he helps his father board the train. I’m the last one, because I wanted to make sure that everyone made it. Cas goes to reach for my arm and I tell him that I’ve got it. He huffs, tells me that he knows I do, and pulls me up onto the train as well. We stand there for a moment on the outside of the train, just looking at each other, but eventually we climb inside with the others. He’s hugging me, and I don’t want to let go. 

I explain to him that my mom and dad died today. He looks at Bobby and Ellen and then back to me, I tell him that no, my real mom and dad died. He tells me that they loved me, and for them there was no better way to show me. I tell him that we have nothing now. We have no home, we have no faction, and I don’t even know who I am anymore. He pulls back to look me in the eyes and says that he knows exactly who I am. I ask him if he’s sure about that. I mean after all he doesn’t know what happened during my escape, he doesn’t know that I killed Andrea, he doesn’t know that I’m the reason that both of my parents are dead, but he tells me that yes, he is sure. He pulls me back into his arms and we just ride.

We are like the factionless now, we’ve left everything behind. We found ourselves though, and each other. Tomorrow we may have to fight again, but for now we will ride the train to the end of the line, and then, we’ll jump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! If you feel like leaving a Kudos or comment that would be super awesome too! They are like crack to me! Once again thanks to the amazing mods for SPN Media Bang this was so much fun! And thank you again to Supernatastic for the awesome art work! And CrowleyLovesUSUK and Bobby for the beta work!


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